So I had my presentation for that 2IC thing today.
Yes, after much advice I chickened out and didn’t bring up the immanent arrival of the Xzzffaghtians. So please for my sake, look surprised when they get here.
Anyhoo… I finished putting together the presentation at 11:30 Sunday night. Mainly because I found it so boring, I kept putting off… which I suspected I might regret. I was tired and thought getting all my clothes ready for the interview could wait until morning. Little did I know that’s when the real fun would start!
First, to explain, I’m not your traditional corporate type. I’m sort of “did you sleep in a gutter last night?” type. My whole look is mainly designed to make people to want to avoid talking to me. This is evident when it comes to suits. I hardly ever have to wear a suit. I don’t like suits. At least, I don’t like suits on me. I think I need to drop 20kg and earn 20k more before I’ll look good in one. For some reason this means I’ve ended up with nothing but a couple of cheap nasty suits that even I wouldn’t be seen dead in…
But I do have a few dress shirts for when the occasion calls for it. So when I woke up this morning I grabbed my favourite one and decided to give it a quick iron. I had been told after all, that appearance was going to be important.
I dragged the ironing board screaming out of it’s hibernation and get most of the way through ironing the shirt when I notice a big tear in the sleeve. I had no idea how it got there and I was annoyed because it was one of my favourite shirt, but I decided to move on.
Then I realised most of my other shirts weren’t washed. Now this is embarrassing to admit, cause I hadn’t worn them for a while. It’s just that they’re in what has been referred to of late as my ‘laundry pile’ (as opposed to ‘laundry basket’ whatever that is?) and haven’t actually made any of the collections that went as far as the washing machine.
But I did have one clean one. The one I bought for a funeral. Which is black. I only have black dress pants.
I was going as mr sketchy, the corporate goth.
Not what I had mind. But I ironed that shirt and moved onto the next challenge. Shoes. Again, I do have a pair of decent shoes… but since that were black as well, I was starting to feel like I was going to appear dressed as the ghost of future redundancies. I thought that might not send the right message.
I’ve got a pair of work boots that are comfortable but will pass most corporate glances, I decided to risk it. I was busy tying them up, when one of the laces snapped.
Great, I have no spare shoelaces.
I went to the nice shoes and found a shoelace I could steal and use in the shoes I was planning to wear. By this time I think I was meant to get the train 5 minutes earlier.
So, take two at doing up my shoes.
Honestly I think I said “oh your fucking kidding me!” a little too loudly for such a peaceful and quiet winter morning. At least, peaceful and quiet outside my flat…
And truly, things only went downhill from there…